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Notice I said “traits” – not “character flaws.” We’re talking about symptoms that come with having the disorder.
And the affected person often has little - or no - control over most of these symptoms.
Men with AS often have some of the following traits, but they will vary in both number and level of severity from person to person: 1.
But unfortunately, it is too often the case that the “neurotypical” (i.e., non-Asperger’s) wife/partner views these traits as “defects that could be corrected if the man would just try harder,” resulting in the wife/partner feeling depreciated, unloved and resentful (which is truly the downside of AS for men). As a woman with AS who has been happily married for almost 30 years to a man with AS, the mother of a daughter and four sons who are all on the spectrum, the grandmother of little Spectrumites and as a fully human being with a complete range of emotions I would like to say that it is the mis-match between different neurologies that causes most of the problems.
Oh, and I'm the daughter and grand-daughter of Spectrumites too.
To have another adult to talk to is worth more than anything. Compliments are the hardest thing to give and to take. I have been driven into a rage more than I care to admit by his rudeness, and into despair, near suicidal, living with someone who has so little empathy. He even took an online test where I felt he basically lied so that it would not come out as Aspergers.
Call me an "Aspie" and any chance of me wanting to talk to you goes straight out the window. His parents are the same-weirdly rude and unemotional and isolated and very intelligent.
This post is not designed to blame or ridicule men on the spectrum, and it should be noted that they do have more strengths than weaknesses (which we discuss a lot on this site).
But for the purposes of this post, we will focus on some of the features associated with AS that can negatively impact romantic relationships.
In an effort to save face and protect their fragile self-esteem, these males may blame others for things that they should take responsibility for themselves. People around them assume that they are simply ill-tempered or prefer their own company. Many AS males often desire friends, but may also be considered loners.
Typically they have a much lower capacity for social interaction than a “typical” man. Many AS men have learned to lie to help them cope with life.
) I have told him I am sure I want a divorce and his main concern, appropriately, is that he gets enough time with our 6 year old daughter.
Inappropriately, he has suggested I sleep on the couch and let him come to the home for visits, have him continue to live here but in the basement room, and has had coffee to discuss the divorce with a divorced father with whom we are only distantly acquainted through our children in the same neighborhood.
Yet I am the one that has to handle everything and there is never someone there to help me. For a long time I pushed aside my friends when it came to social outings since my husband always seemed so awkward at these events. I see that I am responsible for my own anger and resentment and criticism, and the response it has provoked in him. But I also see that he will never be someone who will hug me spontaneously, kiss my cheek when I am crying, grab my hand when we are walking, look me in the eyes and truly understand emotionally what I am going through. He doesn't like to make eye contact, unless it's an overly direct, almost aggressive stare, and pulls away quickly after a stiff hug.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating