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And that's not even mentioning America's version of the Great Pyramid: Monk's Mound.You know how people treat the very existence of the Great Pyramid in Egypt as one of history's most confounding mysteries?

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You have to assume that the Native Americans at full strength would have made **** powerfully real for any pale faces trying to settle the country they had already settled.

Of course, we don't really need to assume anything about how real the American Indians kept it, thanks to the many people who came before the pilgrims.

But if we had to put the whole Cowboys and Indians battle in a Hollywood log line, we'd say the Indians put up a good fight, but were no match for the white man's superior technology.

As surely as scissors cuts paper and rock smashes scissors, gun beats arrow. This is all the American history you'll ever need to know.

When all of the tree-clearing Indians died in the plague, so many trees grew back that it had a reverse global warming effect.

More carbon dioxide was sucked from the air, the Earth's atmosphere held on to less heat, and Al Gore cried a single tear of joy.It turns out our teachers, Hollywood and whoever we got our Thanksgiving mythology from (Big Turkey? When American Indians show up in movies made by conscientious white people like Oliver Stone, they usually lament having their land taken from them.) all made America's origin story far more boring than it actually was for some very disturbing reasons. The Indians Weren't Defeated by White Settlers The Myth: Our history books don't really go into a ton of detail about how the Indians became an endangered species. The implication is that Native Americans died off like a species of tree-burrowing owl that couldn't hack it once their natural habitat was paved over.If the government was taken over by hippies tomorrow, the directionless, ecologically friendly society they'd institute is about what we picture the Native Americans as having lived like.The Truth: The Indians were so good at killing trees that a team of Stanford environmental scientists think they caused a mini ice age in Europe.Native Culture Wasn't Primitive The Myth: American Indians lived in balance with mother earth, father moon, brother coyote and sister ... Does that just sound right because of the Berenstain Bears?

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