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But if you didn’t correct them, and people found out you weren’t married, somehow it would look as if you had lied. And then, to add insult to injury, you become angry with yourself for pitying yourself.

You don’t quite know where this pressure comes from, but you can feel it in the air, lingering around birthdays and Valentine’s Day—will this be the day he finally proposes? But you and your partner both know that somewhere out there, certain friends or family members are wondering about it. You’re not supposed to care about any of this, remember!?

w=378" data-large-file=" You know that you’re together because you want to be, and not because you simply don’t want to get a divorce.

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You’ve even heard whispers of them thinking maybe he has a secret family somewhere else or is a closeted homosexual, and that’s why he hasn’t proposed. A lot of people assume you just got married at some point and they missed the memo.

Friends can start to introduce you as “So and so and her husband” and you have to correct them to say, “Oh, he’s my boyfriend—not my husband.” You hate this moment. But sometimes you just feel bad for yourself not that you aren’t married, but rather that you have to deal with other people judging you and feeling sorry for you over it.

You wish there was something else between “dating” and “married.” You and your partner have discussed the reasons you don’t want to get married (at least for now) extensively.

You understand you’re the person he wants to spend his life with.

Then he feels bad, as if he’s somehow done something wrong by doing exactly what you two agreed on—not getting married. Based on the way you see some people take their spouses for granted or speak poorly about their spouses, sometimes you’re really grateful you aren’t married. If you do ever become engaged, it will probably be over some mundane, everyday moment now.

While you mostly don’t feel negative feelings about marriage, sometimes you feel that you really dodged a bullet by not getting married.

We live in a time when plenty of couples date for a long time before getting married, or simply never get married.

A lot of people are taking their cues from the Swedes, who simply enter into domestic partnerships but never file any paperwork with the city.

And you all know they’re wondering, “Why aren’t you guys married yet?

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